Missed calls that ring repeatedly in the middle of the night, messages asking for immediate reporting of whereabouts, over-involvement in the name of “care”, and even continued presence at home, work or around the life circle after a breakup. Many people don’t suddenly realize that the person next to them has become a living “unexploded bomb” until the moment they break up. In recent years, incidents related to “terrible lovers” have continued to attract social attention, ranging from emotional blackmail and stalking to threats of violence and extreme revenge. Although the forms of the cases vary, there are usually similar warning signs behind them, that is, the boundaries in the relationship continue to be violated. At the same time, ordinary people rarely understand the characteristics of dangerous relationships and find it difficult to detect abnormalities in the early stages of getting along. It is not until conflicts break out and the relationship suddenly changes that they realize that “leaving” is not as easy as they thought.
Characteristics of a dangerous relationship? Don’t be blinded by love, be alert if you have these qualities
In most horror lover cases, the danger does not suddenly erupt in a single moment, but gradually accumulates through subtle and continuous control over a long period of time together. It’s just that they usually use the name of “love” to package it, often saying “I care about you”, “I’m doing it for your own good”, “No one will stand by your side except me”, etc. to rationalize control, restriction and even emotional blackmail, causing the other person to lose their original life boundaries without knowing it. This is a horrible lover.
In the early stages of this type of relationship, it is actually not easy to detect. Excessively frequent contact, requesting to report whereabouts at any time, interfering in the circle of friends, and even making strong opinions on clothing, work and life arrangements may be mistaken for care and attention. However, when a relationship begins to be based on surveillance, oppression and fear, the so-called “love” has often quietly deteriorated.
Chen Yijun, secretary-general of the Taiwan Detective Association, pointed out that based on the observation of relevant credit reporting cases, most of the common behavioral patterns of terrorist lovers in practice have several common characteristics. The first is “strong desire for control”, including the requirement to respond to messages in real time, track whereabouts, and even monitor daily life through various means; the second is “extreme emotional reactions”, which are prone to anger during disputes, and may even be accompanied by aggressive behaviors such as throwing objects and insulting words; the third is “strong self-centeredness and lack of empathy”, often prioritizing one’s own feelings and ignoring the mood and rights of others. When there is a dispute in the relationship, it is easier to have strong emotional reactions or antagonistic behavior.
How to leave a scary lover safely? Credit reporting service cuts into high-risk emotional cases
It would of course be a relatively ideal situation if we could detect it early in the relationship and successfully separate and cut off contact. But in reality, not everyone can escape so smoothly. When the other party continues to harass, stalk, threaten, and even repeatedly interferes in life through different channels, “how to separate safely” will become an urgent issue that people need to face.
However, in some cases, even if the breakup has been clearly proposed, the other party may still react more violently due to emotional loss, and even endanger their own personal safety. In view of this, many credit reporting companies have successively set up horror lover breakup projects. The main purpose is to make these horror lovers leave voluntarily through external intervention and negotiation.
Zhan Xiaoyu, the person in charge of Jinpin Credit Information Agency, said that when dealing with cases related to terrorist lovers, the credit information agency usually puts the safety of the client first, including avoiding alone contact, assisting in retaining communication records, accompanying the client to examine injuries, and even providing safer temporary placement suggestions, and taking corresponding protective measures according to risks at different stages.
He further pointed out that some cases will also be assisted by legal resources when necessary, so that the client can obtain more complete protection and support in subsequent procedures, such as domestic violence evidence collection, lawyer introduction, application for a protection order, or assistance with relevant legal claims.
Safe breakup has become a key issue, and three credit reporting companies recommend it to you
So far, in response to high-risk situations such as “terrible lovers”, some credit reporting companies in Taiwan have developed their own assistance models based on different service orientations. People can conduct preliminary consultation and service evaluation based on actual needs.
For exampleModel Credit Information Co., Ltd., in some cases, more diverse handling strategies will be adopted, including communication and negotiation through the intervention of a third party, and necessary external coordination arrangements based on the case situation, so as to reduce the risk of the parties continuing to be entangled and gradually complete the separation of relationships.
With personal safety as the main considerationJinpin Credit Information Agency, mostly focus on protecting the safety of the parties concerned, emphasizing avoiding alone contact and reducing the probability of head-on conflict, and assisting in planning safe response methods at different stages as a protective mechanism in the high-risk breakup process.
As forFuxin Credit Investigation Team, more often handle cases related to domestic violence and emotional violence. The focus of services includes assisting in collecting evidence of domestic violence, organizing relevant evidence, and providing follow-up legal resource connections when necessary, such as lawyer consultation, protection order applications and related legal relief assistance.
Generally speaking, the methods of assistance provided by various credit reporting companies in cases related to terrorist lovers are different. When choosing assistance channels, the public should still carefully evaluate their own needs and the risk status of the case, and give priority to personal safety.
Control in the name of “love”, but hidden under the honey is poison
He whom he once loved deeply, suddenly became the one who hurt him at a certain moment. When most interviewees looked back on their relationship, it was difficult to pinpoint exactly when the “turning point” occurred. In fact, it is no longer helpful to explore the reasons. The most important thing is how to safely withdraw from the relationship, protect yourself and reassure those around you.
Love should be based on respect and trust. Any behavior in the name of “love” that is accompanied by control, monitoring, and restriction should not be rationalized or ignored. As the saying goes, someone who truly loves you will not make you fearful and uneasy for a long time. When a relationship begins to make people lose choices, lose boundaries, and even gradually lose themselves, it may be time to re-examine whether to stay or leave.
The most important thing is that when you need help, be sure to seek help from trusted relatives, friends or professionals in a timely manner. If you find that a relative or friend around you may be involved in a dangerous relationship, you can also be more concerned and aware, proactively seek professional advice, and help the other person get safer support and help when needed.
Source: KOCPC Chinese